Salihara Poetry Slam Happy Times!!

Aduhhhhh sumpah

I'm so happy that I was able to attend the Salihara Poetry Slam. Now that it's done, I'm happy to share the poem I wrote with you! As you might remember, it's called "Weeks".



When I tell them I have anxiety disorder

they look at me with something like pity in their eyes,

something like "I was just kind of curious but I didn't

mean to make you

think I cared."


A boy told me to open up more and then

he drove away even as I held a bottle of

61 pills in my right hand 3 1 1 2 1 4


About me:

In my dreams there is a field of crocuses on the night

of the blood moon: a million flowers,

covering the tracks of the children,

who are disappearing one

by one

by one into the forest.

Holden Caulfield is there,

catching them just before they

jump off the cliff


All the past versions of me are tucked into

the limitless pockets of a boy named after

the sun. I told him that he shone. I told him

a lot of things. I was a good liar. When

everyone around me laughs I laugh along into empty

space and all around me are canyons and, baby, I am




The river was really cold,

I say.

I stare at fires,

I say.

They spit out little bugs that

leave trails of light behind for (~)2

seconds before

fluttering into ash, I am a





Every day I see you in school and

honestly there is nothing


about you. This is not going to be

anything romantic. It's just me saying

sometimes  I look at your hands

and wonder

if they are nice to hold,



I wonder if there is a universe out there

for all the lovers

who never got to spend their lives together,

I pretend I will see you again,

I pretend you are not

the death of me,

I pretend that I am fine whenever

I don't get perfect scores,

when I am shivering in nameless rivers

I pretend

I am




When I tell them the stories

of my mother and I and the way she stuffed

chili powder into my mouth when I was


or when she broke the broom

hitting me,

or when I sat out for hours

waiting for her to pick me up

they look at me with something like pity

in their eyes

and I am really just betting

at that point,

that when I send mail out

it won't be back in my mailbox

after a few weeks


I tell my stories over and

over and over and

over again thinking that maybe

for once probability will be on my side

and that someone

will care enough to

message me at 3am to say,


I miss you

I am the walking open book

I am here to say,


look at all the goddamn stars.

They chose three winners and I'm so happy to say I was one of them (yeah, I know the photo is blurry). I really need to invest in a good camera....

There were so many talented poets that came to the Poetry Slam, including Rara Rizal. I loved her poem and the feeling and emotion in it. I wish I could watch it again because it had some really fantastic lines and it was a joy to watch. Ayu's poem for introverts was also absolutely amazing and it really spoke to me because, of course, I'm an introvert. And it just makes me want to keep producing and being brave enough to read my poetry. 

There was also some really good (and dark) coffee for sale there and I'm kind of craving it again, so maybe I'll have to go back to Salihara next week, hehehe.

I got that adorable tumbler and a 100.000 Rp. + 50.000 Rp. voucher to Periplus Bookstore. Hopefully I'll get to use the vouchers soon because there's supposedly a Periplus store at Summarecon Mal Serpong.

I'm going to make my next post a short guide on how to write poetry and include some tips that really helped (and continue to help) me, even though honestly I don't believe I'm qualified enough to write that sort of post. But since some people are requesting my advice I'm more than honored to give it! Please look forward to that! Also, I'll try and see if anyone got a recording of my performance so that I can post it here for anyone who is curious. I think that "Weeks" is the sort of poem that really needs to be heard rather than read. Thank you so much for coming along on my adventures and cheering me on. All of you readers and listeners push me to keep writing and reading and working hard to improve for your sake!

So much love,