1.png
 

words matter.

They can...

  • Make you some major moola.
  • Win over the heart of your almost-lover.
  • Bring tears to someone's eyes in good and bad ways.

you've done something amazing.

So why is it that when people come to your site,

they don't seem to agree?

Words are so much more than 'just words'. They're experiences. They're bridges. They're converters. And pens really are mightier than swords.

A sword can conquer nations. But words?

Well, they can conquer generations.

(Okay. I admit it. That was terrible. Forgive me).

I mean it, though:

this is your chance to connect with customers and clients. 

Don't let it suck.

 
 

So how much will it cost?

I'm not cheap. But hey, look at it this way: my revamp of HubRocket led them to a six-figure company sale. And one of my ghostwriting clients just made her investment back through the sales page I crafted for her a week ago.

What will you achieve with the words I write?

But why should I pick you?

Because you, like me, are a connoisseur. Because you actually give a shit about quality.

And also because I have a handy stash of memes and bad jokes to shove upon you once we start working together. Ain't that an offer you can't refuse?

Are we even a match?

If you think that writing is something any old schmuck can do, then no.

If you have a terrible sense of humor, then no.

But if you love pop cultural references, a dash of sass, and making money through great writing, then hell yes, we're a match. Swipe right, hombre, and let's get busy.


 

You create magic. hell, you are magic. but... you've run into a problem.

When it comes to content, you might feel frustrated, overwhelmed, discombobulated, and 100% ready to quit. Do any of these sound familiar?

✎ You've been working on your site for the past few months, but the copy just never sounds right.

✎ You feel as if your copy isn't inspirational enough, and you're worried that it makes you seem inauthentic and unprofessional.

✎ You want to communicate your vision for a bigger, brighter, more ethical [insert your something here], but the words just pool into a mess.

 
 

Fortunately, you're at my house, the Copy Confectionery, and together we're going to make content so good that your customers salivate in desire over you, your services, and your brand.

 
You need to stand out,and that's not going to be easy..png
 

Welcome to the Confectionery,

where I, your hostess and chief copy concocter, will serve up the most exquisite content you (and your clients) have ever read. 

Gourmand copy that's crafted with charm and grounded in conversion principles--because no matter how lovely your content is, it won't do much unless it's based on research, SEO optimization, and most importantly, your customers.

You can send over the recipe, or ask me to make your perfect pastries from scratch. Take a seat at the table, tie your napkin 'round your neck, and I'll prepare the rest.

 
 

Of course, you could always skip the fine dining and head over to that dingy McDonald's down the street. You know -- the one with the flickering lights, and the occasional cockroach skittering around the table legs. 

But this is your baby, and you deserve a little class. The world needs your great ideas, but it won't know that until you tell your story in a way that makes your target audience tremble with excitement and murmur, "Oh my god. They're genius." 

Every copy option with me includes:

 
 

A digital care package of my best copy tips, so you can continue the momentum we start together. I'm not interested in squelching all the money out of you. If I can give you a great start on your blog or website, then I'm a happy chef.

Regular monthly check-in support from me to hold you accountable, follow up and inspire some ideas, and help you with your personal goals.

Actually funny e-mails once in a blue moon, packed with resources you can use for your business. (Plus, you can copy them for your own e-mails if you're sly enough. I'll look the other way).

Warm, personable content that serves as a robust addition to your brand while amping its selling power, no matter what we're working on. 

Seriously awesome copy that dishes up the clarity, conversions, and creative flow you’ve been craving.

 
You need to stand out,and that's not going to be easy. (1).png
 
"Ooh, Honey" : 10-Post Monthly Blog Management Service
Quick View
"Ooh, Honey" : 10-Post Monthly Blog Management Service
from 1,500.00

If you’ve got a never-ending list of tasks that are f*cking up your flow, no sweat. Count on me to pack some punch into your feeble, pitiful blog and turn it into a force of its own.

Words:
Quantity:
Ooh, honey →
"Sweets in a Cinch": 4-Post Monthly Blog Management
from 600.00

Okay, maybe you don’t need the full shebang of 10 jam-packed posts a month. Maybe you just want a few posts to pad up your blog page.

Words:
Quantity:
Sugar rush incoming
 
'Juicebox': The E-mail Sequence
Quick View
'Juicebox': The E-mail Sequence
3,000.00

It’s the rare e-mail sequence that manages to not only strengthen your connection with your community, but also converts leads to buyers. If you’re aching for a crisp, cool e-mail sequence that increases engagement, inspires responses, and makes selling a breeze on a sweltering summer day, then grab a pop from the cooler and hunker down.

I need the goshdarn e-mails, please
'Macaron Mania': The E-mail
Quick View
'Macaron Mania': The E-mail
from 250.00

When you’re adding to your marketing manifesto, you need a one-and-done solution. One that you can use time and time again, because you have a business to run. Why spend time warming up your leads when your e-mails could do it for you?

Option:
Quantity:
Much a macaron
'The Smorgasbord': Website Makeover
Quick View
'The Smorgasbord': Website Makeover
from 1,000.00

Your website deserves DELICIOUSLY DROOL-WORTHY copy that compels them to click that ‘buy’ button (or ‘subscribe’ button or ‘yes, take me now’ button). You’ve got them in the kitchen; now keep them there and help them get comfy in Granny’s plush chaise longue.

Page:
Quantity:
Grab a 'Smorgasbord'

get your Custom Copy concoction

If you're a business that cares about your impact, and you're trying to find a voice that doesn't bore your audience to death, then we can reserve a seat (or two, or three) for you at the Confectionery. I specialize in:

 
  • Story-based copy
  • Humor-based copy 
  • Website copy
  • Sales pages
  • Landing and lead-generation pages
  • E-mail sequences

↓ 

 
 
Nice to meet you, pardner. What's your name? *
Nice to meet you, pardner. What's your name?
AKA, what do you need help with?
My minimal project engagement fees for custom copy concoctions are $2000.
$
And where do you envision yourself in one year?
A serendipitous Google search, or a friend, or..
I'm interested in the authentic--the freaky, crazy, oddities that make you who you are. So tell me: What makes you eccentric? What makes you the most interesting person in the world?
 

What does the process look like?

 

Call

Our 30-minute introductory call gives us time to get to know each other. You can expect quite a few questions from me during this call, and you'll also be able to ask a few of your own. I'll learn all about your project, your goals, and your needs.

 

 

concoction

After this, you'll receive a general assessment e-mail that includes our "game plan". This helps make sure we're communicating properly.

If you give the "okay", then I will send you a formal proposal. If not, then we can discuss how it should be expanded or corrected. 

 

 

Communication

Our next call will discuss the proposal and everything it entails, so that you and I can be especially clear on the terms and scope of work needed. This call will be recorded through Zoom for your archive, and after taking notes, I will send you a Contract. This would be the time to send me an NDA, if you need one. We'll also talk about a deadline, payment options, and more during this call.

 

 

Contract

After signing the contract, I'll get to work. Please trust in my work: it's okay to request the occasional update, but messaging me every day to ask about how it's going is harmful and detrimental to the process.

 

 

Cooking

For you, this is probably the best part of the process. Just leave the cooking to me. Most of my projects span one month; rush fees apply if you need a project completed in a jiffy.

For most of our communications, I prefer that we e-mail. Please do not contact me on the weekends, or through texts or Facebook. E-mail is the surest way to guarantee that I will reply to you.

 

 

Completion

After the project is completed and payment is made, I will give you a fancy Google Docs that includes everything you've requested. Then we can schedule a follow-up session to discuss the work and any revisions you need made. Or, we can also chat through e-mail.